i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
