You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
