stop calling my apartment porn island.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
