my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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