Yo dont text me then not text me
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
