drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
