So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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