babies were throwing up all over the place
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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