He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
