I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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