Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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