Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
