Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
