He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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