i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
