Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
