So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
