Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
