Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
