Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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