so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
