I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
