I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
