: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
