so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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