Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
