If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
4 words: hood of his car
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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