I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
