How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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