i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
