3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
