I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
