im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
