I smell stomach acid.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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