Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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