I'm so fucking centered right now
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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