So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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