That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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