Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
