I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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