Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
your like the ambassador to my penis.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Drunk is not a location!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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