Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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