so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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