He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
