i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Everything about him screamed your future.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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