I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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