I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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