A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
