oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
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Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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