yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
