I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
