The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
