He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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