M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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