Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
