Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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