He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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