I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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