I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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