There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
