and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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