I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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