She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Pants are for mortals
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
