I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
How's work?
Spinning.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
