He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Help me help you realize you are a moron
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
